Log for February 17, 2004 - An's Dark Twin

It's all coming to a head, eh? Do or die time... your unwashed masses against their oppressors... will might or right prevail, do you think?

Have you decided whether you really want to save her? Would you rather have the unchallenged, unempathetic child of luxury, or the soulmate that's been fucked up the same way you were fucked?

I just want her to be able to make her own decisions.

How magnanimous of you. Yet I know the real An, seething with greed, itching to manipulate, wheeling and dealing... are you certain you're willing to let that go... let me go? Is she really worth changing your life over?

I died once. This is my chance to change my life over. You only live once, but I've been given the second chance many never have. This time, I do things right.

And, anyway, if I fail in this, I"ll be dead, denying you the right to an "I told you so" speach. ::internal smirk::

Heh. Vindictive to the end, eh? Perhaps you haven't changed so very much at all.

No... I just found my sense of humor.

well aren't you a bundle of contradictions. always avoiding the point, huh? just tell him he's a quack, dont leave him hanging.

You seem to forget you understand just as well as I do.

Go "damnit Lan, don't you know what pseudoscience means, you stupid weirdo"

c'mon, it'd be liberating

Why? Cause I'm saying what you want to say, or because you don't want to say it? I mean, geeze, how can we expect to live together if you're just going to be so damn passive aggressive all the time... you need to confront your problems head on.. don't just fucking tiptoe around them all the time

yeah, that'd be the easy answer, wouldn't it. I'm just the representation of your problems, cause one of your problems is that you're crazy... maybe if you fucking actually figured out how to overcome your problems rather than just yelling at me I really would go away.. you ever think of that?

Come to think of it, I've come to like these rants of yours. I like hearing you working yourself into a tithy and accomplishing nothing. Its self satisfying.

And of these "problems" I have, nothing more that the average person I would imagine. What imaginational hump must I over come in your twisted view of reality?

Yeah. Sounds familiar, doesn't it. Equal halves and all of that. Maybe you could enlighten me as to what you've accomplished lately

Oh, you have problems.. it's sad that you think everyone's as fucked up as you... didn't you seriously consider how to kill God for while there? that's not normal

I'll tell you what I've accomplished lately, I've lived. Its been long and hard, but I've done it. And god and me? We're on better terms now.

Then why are you afraid to take the good doctor's divine cocktail, if you think it'd work because you're on such good terms with the divine? I think you like being patient 0, the unsavable damned, the poor soul that can't be saved while those around you prosper... it's another kind of hubris to be the best at pathetic

What problems do you think I don't confront. I know I am selvish, I know I am self loathing, I know I love the weight of a firebird in my hand. I know I've blamed the Pancreator for everything that was done to me. I know I'm condensending and I know that I'm different. I'm fucked up. But that doesn't matter anymore.

Knowing isn't confronting. You think wandering around being self-sacrificing and pitiful is going to save your soul, but all you're doing is falling to more and more pride

What you say is that it's all about saving your friends, but the drama of it is all about An. It began with me... it will end with me as well., right?

Did it ever enter your head that it might not have begun with you? That you're just another casualty in the good doktor's list, rather than the wondrous prototype? Did you ever think that hanging on to your fucked upness is just another kind of hubris? Do you want to be a real person, or does it suit your negative mindset to remain a half a man, wallowing in your freakishness?

If you haven't noticed, I'm done wallowing in my freakishness. You're the only one who wallows in it.

uh huh. So being different is enough is it? Why risk life as a mere mortal with An the psychic, mutant freak gets everyones' attention?

So pathetic, and to think that I thought that being in my head. Being part of me. You would understand me. I am Anhetepf Griffen. If I cut off my arm it is no more me that my leg or eye. Its what's in my mind, and in my heart that makes me. I've made my peace. It only remains to be seen if you've made yours.

We'll see... when it comes crunch time.. what I know is that there's several dozen mutants wandering the halls with half a cure... and none of that alchemy bullshit is nothing without the magic to catalyze it

What are trying to say? Stop bouncing around the subject.

you think you just mix chemicals in a jar and it can change people in ways that science can't? That's magic, there, and all this talk of alchemy is nothing without the spark of the divine

I understand that. Now we just have to wait for a spark.

Its out of my hands, we will leave it to Lan and the Pancreator now.

I don't understand what you're trying to say.

I figured you knew better than waiting on the Pancreator to make a miracle when there are others that can do it for Him

The pancreator works throught the people. What are you getting at? For once, speak clearly.

You put your faith in God but not in Man, you spend your life waiting for the future. You put your faith in both, and you are the one that can make the divine happen.

But if you want to take the damn potion, you probably won't have another chance

Cause I think that we're going to die, or, in living, put out so much fucking energy that God Himself will notice our plight